The Land of Conjurors

Plenty of matters devastatingly unsettle me for the trip this time. Others might think they are trivia. The trip, which it should have been made simply by both my classmate and I, however, intervened by others in the middle of planning without any alarm. A friend of my classmates is kindly willing to provide us with a vacant flat. My classmate and I thus will have longer stay in Taichung than the last time as we can incorporate some new places in our itinerary, while the others tend to show their highly acclaimed "photographic skill" as merely taking pretty photos on campus. I just don't understand why those people come with us along the way in such convenience. All we head over Taichung  for the entirely different purposes when it is basically on the same road but not on the same ground. My classmate and I chiefly "go back to" Taichung because we do have precious memories in Providence University (PU). But those people aim to "go to" Taichung as a kin

And we are nothing but the good one. Plain, nothing but pain. No, as if you think of us, think no more. She has made her position quite clear. I should have known that, or I just intended to keep my lips sealed. Funny how it could be, she is a nice person, that's all. And we all are nice people who try to help others as much as we can. She corrects you when you are in the middle of labyrinth and find the entrance to get it in. It is the obligation of basic contact between she and us. Blame the past pace that twitches you intensely. And ask her? Ask no more. We move so far, undergoing a turning point, and we make such a detour on our road as we still can barely cease but be kept pushing forward. Fortunately/Unfortunately we at length return to the place at which we have stood at first. Perhaps the cruelest thing is not derived from the reality or the evil one. At times the cruelest thing are those who attempt to behave nicely, a nice one who shows plain senses on everything. Vertigo

No one is here. Disembodied in a void. People are all gone except me. Perfect moment.  As the diver and the shark encounter,  tranquility permeates the room as if the time was soundlessly frozen.  No body, nobody but plankton. Far nearer I seem to be lessen. Me, the shark would not recognize missing each other deep in the sea where a bloc is intangibly weaved. Perfect moment if losing me, losing. In osmosis, rusting. Minimal element, a curious thought come like a plague as  people are all gone except me, toyed, disembodied in a void.

Just to be a loser and nothing else. Sometimes it is not the problem of love, perhaps the lack of feeling erodes me more or less. Things that are not said will find another way. But you even find it sick of trying to make fun of yourself. Nothing is for a certain purpose, and I finally realize that we are the people who are talking to no one. To do things always becomes wrong especially for us since we disappoint others, we are the disappointment. Better remain silent for anything as we always let others down. S had told me the circumstance of society that will draw out of your humanity. Perhaps I am undergoing such condition which keeps absorbing my feelings. Sooner or later I will become nobody. Right, sooner or later. Waiting is wasted if the horrible timing is always about to come. S is the typical criminal when looking upon her face. A word she wouldn't say but grey as she got plain feeling for anything she sees and tastes. She is not the person who is meant to be like this. A

We are hugely intense. The intensity of feeling marks nothing about what we have felt but is more about how we are feeling of something or someone. If J had asked us why we still chose Lucas, J would not believe me for all the things I have gone through. He always stuttered before we talk. Or, we can never say a word. For all your life at present, you seem to cause lots of faults that are invisible and then choose to hide the truth about our feeling for Lucas. But we would find that J flutters as if he discovers us right there in a spontaneous moment. The serendipity whirls him that made him stand alone from us. As J caught you just like a flycatcher, you could never escape from his eyes. It would be better if we are with J even though we still chose Lucas at last. J chose to bless me after the graduation ceremony as both of us deeply know this is the last time to say goodbye. J is the one I truly admire. He is very good at film industry and composing. He almost knows everything of how

The choice can no longer be made at once. Love becomes vague and rational, as always. Spiritual love always is put in the second place. Few people deem that friendship can be no less than love. The worst thing is that I can never be in love, in a relationship. Or, I can never choose to fall in love, again. It seems that there is a choice for us, but those choices are preceded and settled right there. Pathetic. The most fearful thing comes to me, marking the dead end that I have stuck in this pole. One chooses this does not mean one happily stays with it. I deeply know it is didactic to say that one makes excuse for not facing the problem of one's own. If this is not a chance to learn how to solve the problems by knowing the self, then what else is it? It is not to solve the problem, I can say that as well. Everyone can say such excuse without one's responsibility. First time to hear this absurd excuse for not solving the problem as if solving the problem is a kind of easy way t

There is a place, perhaps sublunary but wild in our breast for centuries. The motor has been set in necessary locked in some nucleus beyond miseries. Deep submerged, along the folds, fold by fold seen far nearer trapped in the motor yet be translucent. Once for whom assumes unlocks the motor, of his pupil mydriasis, bursting  –  a marble belched slipping into our treacle a fly caught in a pulp embroiled within the eight-pattern universe altered into imagined cosmoses fueling, as powders scattered til its sideways seeing catches our light in which we unknow of all that we have known.

Recently snowing under with my business and can scarcely take a small break in chaotic writing. But, just too late to find this out! Also found that the later part of this song is same as the part before G-Dragon sang his solo, "Crooked" at 2013 MAMA Awards. It might be a segment of the song initially two years ago and ultimately created this one. I am intoxicated by this music video for there is a bit element of image regarding dream-pop musical style. The title is called "Sober" nonetheless; the sober element in this new video based upon the image seems to look like 2NE1's MV "Happy." The message of "Sober" may echo their another new song "Loser" though it presents a lighthearted and cheerful atmosphere. Anyways it deserves to be kept in the future for further study of BigBang's works. Besides, I'll find some time to check the translation of its lyrics if unoccupied. Watching BB's new musical video always brings me lot

It is not the first time that I am to blame for getting into a dead end. To split hairs becomes my problem in the middle of my life and my study. At times I might be too analytical to view things, and such analytical habit tingles with my head, chest and stomach since I feel necessary to express what I desire to say. I keep strenuously changing myself in such troublesome character, but most of the time it fails. Someday I will be put on the tree mass where the thorns upon everywhere, and I should have known that. Yes of course I know it for sure. To some extent I am unaware of my comprehension of what others mean when they unconsciously deliver their thoughts or opinions which makes me feel sorry if it was my fault again. It seems that I obtain no capability to do things right, and I know it deeply in my mind. To seclude from others is the last thing I want to do. It is as if I suddenly tear ourselves apart and go our separate way perpetually. There are some patches sewed within me beg

It always is hard to bend down myself in a way of behaving someone else. Separately, as you would call it, we have nothing in common, as if we had nothing to chat. No, not even more. You could have taken a leave in front of me. Sympathy saved you more or less. I wished we could go for a different way, but we didn't. I may do my own thing. And you, you keep busying with your business. This could be the best way for both of us, what could be other way we wish? Nothing that has to be pretended since we go our separate way at the moment. A world that is waiting for us, and this is the last thing I wish. What is the freedom anyway? I thought we all knew, but do we really hold on our belief and go our way? Turning, it is as if the direction still has its way to turn to. The possibility of the direction still remains.

What the connection can be in these three ideas? I keep asking myself the same question but still obtaining no answer at all. She said that it is the most important part of all, while I am still impeded by my confusion of my ideas respectively. Sometimes the exhaustion just caught you, you got no where to go. You have been trying to do it precisely and getting things right, but you just come so close or even go astray beyond any expectation. You found it hard to compete with others whom she has praised. But others are gone. She thought someday you will go away as well. Let the time decide your leaving. People always say that love is a winding road. What could be a winding road? Writing the thesis is definitely not only a winding road but the torturing load. Others would hardly understand because they wish you could write it ASAP. Just write it without any hesitation. Of course I know I must write it without any hesitation! If this is a job to do, then it would take you much time more t

Something of traditional Chinese words printed on the leaflet. When I unfolded the paper, there was the artistic inscription upon. The landlady told me if it was the time to leave here since there was a man who would like to offer me a vacant apartment in Taipei. It seemed to be a better opportunity for me to abandon all of the things right away and make my elopement toward that man. But I just received an artistic leaflet that inscribed some traditional Chinese words imitated by an artist's handwriting. The leaflet was a sea-blue paper with the black lightface. At first I thought I couldn't recognize this artist's handwriting until I get it close to me. The words were not merely the words but something more like drawing within. At first I saw the word "條" at the first position and then after three words was "離". Others were forgotten except this two words especially on my mind. The word "條" looked so complicated for its line in disorder, portr

It always can be difficult to live in such life that we desire to be. You found out that everything you keep striving for turns out to be the others' expectation in turn. Life always can be hard, but a new life may begin as we turn on its motion. I know you may think I am abnormally romantic and full of fantasy. Nonetheless it does not mean that we can never exert our hope in such ailing condition so far. I am never to be highly turgid with my words for any evil intention. If any, I think it would be much of the higher creative thinking and deeper thoughts in the process of constitution. Life is so annoying. If you see that there is someone comparing you with previous one, what you ever wish lies in the fact that he or she can be blind to see the singularity of an individual. The tricky thing for you tends to follow the one whom you believe and dedicate yourself to such labyrinth of back and forth. But life can be contingent as if something miraculously brings in without any effort

Many things assemble altogether this time. It is as if the coincidence has caught me in no time. If this is not a hope, then I doubt that what the real hope is. It is the hope which I truly believe. Today I found a news denoting that BigBang's leader G-Dragon was inspired by the Francis Bacon's artworks. It becomes a surprise for me because I am in the study of Francis Bacon's painting through Gilles Deleuze's perspective. Funny how it can be? I totally know nothing about it until I see the news today. This is such a bless for me, no matter for my thesis or my passion for what I love. When I first see BigBang's MV "Bae Bae," I feel a fervor inside me rather than some other commercial taste for pop music. This fervor can hardly be explained just by words. Yet, definitely it might have something to do with the commercial mechanism, but it still breaks new ground in creating such MV based upon the aesthetic vision. G-Dragon mentions that he has no intention t

Last night I've been thinking the way to dealing with her while I was exercising at the park. Something in me was summoned up during the walking. I became realized that nothing could take the place of my position and decision. Still I must go on my way without others bothering. Such tangle could not go on, and I ought to be aware of what I will be doing in the future since the time awaited no one in particular. I decided not to go to the speech this time, while she encouraged me to go. The embarrassing moment would not mainly fall into the encounter with her but the literary field in the class. The field about the issue of diaspora hardly intrigued me at all. If you were forced to listen to the speech that you were truly not into, plus you had to stay a whole day at there, how would you feel about it? In addition, we needed to read four papers in necessity beforehand. Perhaps I was complaining of such well-organised and meticulous manner for the plan of speech. The mechanism of the

Maybe I tied myself too much. To do the certain things at the moment marks a great deal of motivation to go on. You have once said that it was always my business without others bothering. It was true, which I would not disagree. But what you have said to me just subtly hurts me a bit. I went home and kept thinking about what you said to me as well as your attitude toward me. With such quirky relationship I strenuously make it work and happen on my own capability to move me on. Some other person whom you think tends to be more optimistic and less sense of anxiety that may ease you more or less. At the same time you told me if I behaved like her, I would decrease my stress. So surprised that you told me to do so. It was as if she truly lacked anxiety and could carry on her tasks on her road. Appearance lies to everyone, which I truly believe. She always hid it every time for she could barely explain or confess the suffering and became distraught with worry to the extreme. You cannot even

The speech today introduces late M. Foucault's idea related to the Islamic Revolution. The speaker just makes an introduction about the general  historical facts of Islamic Revolution and Foucault's desire to do the research on such Revolution happened in Iran.  To be honest, I am not much familiar with  Islamic Revolution. And this is a good opportunity to get to access to such issue in the current movements happened in the world. The speaker mentions that Foucault was quiet intrigued by Islamic Revolution at that time since the Islamic Revolution opened up a new page and even broke new ground under the power of the constitutional monarchy. Nevertheless, it is not based upon the origin of institution of Egypt and the Muslim beliefs. The Islamic Revolution is no longer to be treated as mere a sort of political rebellion or to be regarded as a political activity in resistance to change the institution. Rather, the momentum of Islamic Revolution will be crucially counted in the w

So many things transform all of a sudden. And they can barely be shown up right at some certain moment. I always thought to believe that she was outside the world of mine until she gave recitation from her poems by the time I listened to her poem recitation incidentally. Initially I thought I just wanted to search some information or materials from the website if necessary. But some other airy seeds seemed to be leading me toward the kernel of the dimension that I seldom knew. It somehow failed while others reading but not herself. Subsequently I clicked the other link showing the poems read by her. And something truly happened which I had no any clue but drained tears away from mine. To be honest, I didn't intend to cry. It was as if the light appeared without any notice while she read her poems in the sound of natural emotion. It led us to some other dimension spontaneously and I couldn't even control myself. It seemed that she was telling me that don't be afraid and you

I feel weird when I have been asked to tell what I "really" am writing about. My classmates are so keen on the topic that I am working on. And they tend to be my adviser, trying their best to "understand" my thoughts and ideas. Nonetheless I still consider it should remain privacy for the thesis we graduate students are working on. I tend not to reveal lots of details on my thoughts on my thesis in development. Isn't it the common sense that all the graduate student should keep their privacy on their thesis to some extent? This does not mean to be fear for being known by others but the meaning upheld holistically by the subjective view. Some of my classmates, I reckon, appease their anxiety for seeking opinions from others on their thesis. I don't know, I still think that it is not safe at all even though everyone does different kinds of topics on literature fields. For me, it somehow is like that the popular stars have been questioned their love affair in t

You cannot even hide the situation that has been brought by them. You go out, a certain place. Lots of things have loaded you in dragging state. It seems that there is a chance to choose one or another, the chance you offer me or the material life in sight. I try to make a better decision but fear every step might go wrong if I keep moving along. It could be you. It always is you, who tends to lead me from the shadow to the sparkle. What are we moving around? Nothing, but we share the heartbeat. This cannot even be me when I associate my life with others, as you told me last time and even questioned my career in the future for there was always a better job for me. And you will help me find it. It is not my job that matters but the potential of mine that counts. We should do it together. Yes, we should. We shall. At the same time I find it hard to separate myself from them in a while. There are so many things in this world frustrates me. I could be alone, as always alone. Just like you.

That was all the air that matters It was swirling in no time The air you made tickled me while my heart fluttered with giddiness that kept me pounding, losing and hollowing. The air, covered by the smell you emitted carried me down to the top of some peak that neither you nor I had accepted swirled its smell along the way, causing the noiseless beat in any hidden connection it spun. It spun, as if you were all jolted within while it was spooling me in. Now, I live for the smell from yours The smell, the air, uniting all, can barely be discerned by anyone for I am you-ward with such smell that does not mean you have won but miscellaneous smell it becomes.

In Taiwan, parents mostly wish their children better than others especially for their grades. I just came across a chance to tutor a junior boy in English nearby. This boy was quite excellent in math and physics, while his Chinese and English slightly fall by the grades which are not as good as the excellence of math and physics. But anyway, he was really an excellent boy in class. The only bad thing, as his parents considered, was that he often made careless mistakes on English exams. His parents were keen to find a tutor accompanying him with studying. Or I should made more clear that their parents desire to find someone in haste who wishes to "accompany" him during the time before the official exam. It was my pleasure to teach English for him, but I cannot load him with burden for carrying the responsibility of study. Maybe I was wrong to correct their thoughts for not accompanying students with their study. I told the junior boy to stay more focus on what question he was

I have no any clue that who Alan Turing is until I see the movie today. It is all about the love that matters, no matter in the pursuit of the discourse of homosexual or heterosexual affairs. The love in a person with his deeper soul who believes his love, Christopher, would always accompany him through creating a machine by Turing's own hand, designating his true belief in connection with Christopher in his rest of life. Perhaps it still remains in the discourse of two people in love for such traditional assumption. Instead of falling a discourse of love, perhaps The Imitation Game points out the happiness of being abnormal in love through Turing's case. Such seemingly abnormal love at the time of 1950s portrays more than we have expected. It occurred to me in one of the episodes The Grantchester . The role of clergyman in The Grantchester is responsible for dealing all sorts of trivial and big matters but still realizes nothing for the homosexuals. Sometimes it is the feeli

March has come. It becomes a thought that I might give it a go when you seem not to care about me. You may just turn yourself away and pretend nothing has happened between us. Initially I thought we have come to an end if falling apart in a way of pretending both of us in a languish state of releasing anything important. But who may know that this turning point brings us to reinvent our relationship so far. I seem so awkward every time when confronting with a new challenge that brought by you. Not knowing that you truly wish me well by different ways to care about me, and perhaps this is what you can do for all the time. I beg nothing but wish myself better every time. Ungratefully I consume you so much that I may have just pretended to be a naughty boy who is always so spoiled clinching you with my quirky temper. Something we have always in common, that we seem not to deserve a corky face in any sense but strive for a better, higher and deeper passage toward the core of that invisible

He fears, as always. He never does things right . N o, you would expect him no more . T his time he seem ed to realize what he c ould or c ouldn't do without the help of every single thing which clinche d him. H e f e ll into such certain rule and f ounded nothing to which he belong ed , and he should have resented himself for what he had done and had felt pathetic for what he was incapable of. Something knotty and even unspeakable drenche d in his every vein as if being told to make them clear and even dry them up. That was when he felt no certain at all for everything that's not to be told. He turned himself away, as he always did. If finding himself was long miles to go, he would have just let some of them go and cared no more. Now, he somehow has felt this sort of way, and yes, no one w ould praise him for sure since he always let others down, even for his dearest. "What could be proper anyway?" He again asked himself the very common question and again

It is so hard to make a decision that goes at least a proper way. And in the morning you found that even you want to do things better and efficiently, everything seems to go wild ways and you just hate things cannot even work for such a long time as if others assume that I am wasting my time in my daily life and for god's sake I did not! Personality cause again and say no more about it with such horrible and quirky explanation since the master even don't have any clue to deal with it and don'y have any idea how it comes from in such timing that may possible destroy the very moment of progression at the critical moment so far while the others don't judge that and the others won't comment on that for it is natural for brewing things at the right time and meet again and nagging about the shit damn student's materials and keep giving you threat that it will be your coming soon while you still linger along and have nothing of the brew. The others start to make a bran

A monster's heart pulsates and my bleak circle petrified exudes. It remained invisible  taunting me in darkness while I was shot by it in recklessness.  A broken bone wanes. I see no monster nearby    but the haunt of monster has pervaded all my veins.

Some people get everything wrong. How can I explain? Chance, as if it could lift you up or turn you over later on your life. But life is a law of game, believe it or not. A nobody, who ought to be futile, plain, dull but sometimes ridiculous and pathetic, possesses a great frame of mind with their ups and downs in madness. Today I turn on my radio and come across a song. “Oh look at me, so ordinary/ No mystery with no great capabilities, but I could make out as if I had it…” It   was playing “Teenage Icon,” composed by a modern English band   The Vaccines . The lyrics reminds me of   someone . It arouses my passion in my student life. I have my own musical taste but don’t have any clue on playing musical   instrument. That’s not a problem since I have my natural ability to mimic people’s voices effortlessly. If I have heard someone speaks, I could totally imitate any man or woman’s voice without bending my mind studying it. My talent,   I would call,   and be proud of myself with

Someone must punch me and then tells me that it has all gone and I just need to speak it out! I was always the last one caught in the past. It is all the patterns that matter. The patterns trouble me. I can hardly hold them tightly as if you can barely speak it out loud to me. Still, just like you cannot make a clear cut with me for all the things seem that I have become realized how hard the life can be. But I have grown up with the reduced power of realization. Maybe I can never learn how to say goodbye to anyone. No, I never have learned to do so, as always. Just as years ago there was nothing between me and Lucas. The last day of meeting he brushed against me while having noticed me right there. My longing to see him became stronger ever since I wished he would turn his head around. But that was the last day of us seeing each other. Still I appreciated that Lucas's pattern upon me nurtured me for the life at that time. But I thought I would keep his pattern till the next step i

The Hobbit : T he B attle of the F ive A rmies extend s the last storyline of the Middle-earth world in destruction from Smaug(dragon) and ultimately ends all the series of Middle-earth stories in this episode.     Smaug to some extent plays a role in fighting with those dwarfs and Bilbo at the beginning of the film since he not only occupies Dwarves’ homeland by force but exposes his assumption of the terror that everyone should be afraid of him. He is portrayed as a vicious dragon attempting to bring the bad luck to the Lake Town if he was awakened inside the Dwarves’ Palace at the Lonely Mountain. Possessing the destructive power while being told in folktales making the legend, Smaug is mostly considered to be the symbol of death as well as fear in people’s mind. What Smaug believes is that there is no one can beat him down because he is the greatest creature by far, signifying the very figure of terror for all the people who intend to combat him. Smaug resembling his n

The first essay in January, 2015 of The Big Issue raises the idea of classical music in terms of its interpretation, category and its turn of conventional considerations from the past. The interpretation of the works entitled “classical music” at first is explained by the author who studies the classical music that such works tend to meet two certain conditions.

      One man called Mostafa who was given the responsibilities for taking twelve people to the central asylum, Abbassiya.

A new year has come. Still got lots of plans to do. I just wish I fall in love with my thesis writing, or I "must" fall in love with my thesis writing process without any doubt. After several academic experiences I truly wish myself an exciting state and manic in writing as well as my research. And this turns out to be more vital in my attitude toward writing my thesis. Perhaps it wouldn't be nice to elaborate some other things like graduation. Talking about such thing will only make me stressful and increase more depression. I should always change the angle of conducting my duty. To be aware of the duty I must achieve and the goals I keenly reach since there is no such time in distraction. It appears that I am learning the awareness of always returning to the original idea for the future to become. Hold myself tightly, and I will do that til the tasks had been made ultimately. This would also be the chance of getting to know "who I am" and what I really love. S