The Gap in-between

Maybe I tied myself too much. To do the certain things at the moment marks a great deal of motivation to go on. You have once said that it was always my business without others bothering. It was true, which I would not disagree. But what you have said to me just subtly hurts me a bit. I went home and kept thinking about what you said to me as well as your attitude toward me. With such quirky relationship I strenuously make it work and happen on my own capability to move me on. Some other person whom you think tends to be more optimistic and less sense of anxiety that may ease you more or less. At the same time you told me if I behaved like her, I would decrease my stress. So surprised that you told me to do so. It was as if she truly lacked anxiety and could carry on her tasks on her road. Appearance lies to everyone, which I truly believe. She always hid it every time for she could barely explain or confess the suffering and became distraught with worry to the extreme. You cannot even see that part of her unless your role shifts into mine. Personality can hardly be changed. These days I have been thinking that I feel disappointed at your words judging on me, for you may tear me apart after I completely leave you in the end. What you have done to me became the part stayed with me. Perhaps it was not the disappointment but the warning of myself for not plunging myself into such vortex in danger. It might suffocate me in no time as I transformed into the coral reef and stood at the bottom of the sea. It seemed no time to emerge from the horizon of the sea since you have brought me here and can move around everywhere I can barely guess. There were such a great distance between the horizon and the bottom of the sea. But I was falling alone, no one could rescue me at the current, which I thought you knew. Perhaps it could not be my disappointment at you, or I ought to confront myself with such loathful personality. I was always the loser from the beginning to the end. It was me that mattered, it always was me to blame.