Is R There?

When coming to school for work, I still imagine that R is there. And I may bump into her somehow. There is something between us, I know, and I surely hope she knows that. Recently, I dream her figure, and she suddenly turns me down for everything I want. I'm not sure if it my problem or my unconsciousness that makes her to do so. After having this dream, I kind of feeling depressed and can hardly move on my way of life. Something in me tells me that I will not give up facing her. With my weird character, yes, there are so many things we can both work on, which I truly believe. Furthermore, I keep processing my studies from a variety of information on web and books, keeping my steps catching the level of R. But there are all my wishes to be improved on my own way somehow. In addition to this, I kind of getting tired of doing the work of administration since I can merely doing things for some trifles and always check the information of number, time and schedule. To be honest, I had a similar working experience when I was studying at university. I know for sure that there is so many thing to learn in academical life. Nevertheless, the administration working makes me disgusting more or less. I am not sure if it faces the trivial details in all the information about data; yet, something lack in people's connection has gradually emerged. And I certainly do not like this way of being lamed. I still believe that people are good at heart, which I mean the inner soul in expressing the emotion with rise and fall. The interaction between man and man, subtly, affects our way of thinking and doing somehow and not just get stuck in the predicament or a sort of condition in numbness without any changes.