About R (trifle)

I had a bad dream that is something to do with R. I wish she will not forget me somehow. I feel bad when I think of her in school. It's weird that I know more about myself through getting along with her. I have not made my decision to choose my adviser. Perhaps I am still struggling with professor's research realm that may affect my paper in the future. Still have some moment to wait until the consequence, and now I am just in the middle of it, taking my time to explore some other theories and writers who are rarely studied by academics. Suddenly I think I am quite interested in man. What I mean is that, I kind of being aware of some people with their stories in life, their emotions with rises and falls and their transformation in each level for the journey in lifetime. I am not sure whether it is the feeling that I just have gone through my grandma's funeral or not; nonetheless, the exploration of man always keeps me in an excitatory state. R is one of the men whom I'd like to get along with. We have something in common, to be honest. Some differences will be the character of exterior or not. I think she is more exterior than me, but actually this can hardly be judged by my shallow observation. There was a time when I entered into her office, she merely sent me greetings, and we had a bit small talks later. There was something I could be aware of, which others might think she was too busy working on her studies, but somehow I may think she tried to repress her feeling in our way of talk. Something unusual might happen in some way that makes her to do so, or she could be no politeness to me. It's not natural, I know. I deeply know her for not being good at pretending some other person who is contrary to her inner soul. I felt nervous too since she behaved in a restricted way and finds no ways to give vent to flexibility. The moment at that time was not really good, and I tried to make a peaceful talk in my own way; however, it appears that I just screwed up anyway.