Trapped in Mind

In the middle of night,

A man in middle age cries for someone, 

I was awaken by his shout, wondering to get up or...

"What do you mean by this?! I didn't ask for it," 

Getting up is easy

Without laziness

"Am I stupid or am I proud?"

But the most difficult thing is that 

"I fear so many uncertainties lying upon my head."

The HOURS after getting up

"It could be better to die, 

Or the other way to survive?"

So I decide to listen to his bawl quietly.

"... and keep narrowing my mind, yes, I can do that again. It's no problem I can do that again.

Self-destruction, sounds a great idea, doesn't it? How could you treat me like this way?

Or you want me to be an outsider, a numb person as you truly wish me to be."

"So be it! Doesn't it the true reaction you expect from me?"

Yeah, "so be it," 

Somehow the hot tears well-up in my eyes,

and I don't know why
til I get to sleep.