The Anxiety Begins to Tantalize Me Again

Tomorrow will be the first formal mealtime in Tasty. But, I actually a bit panic for sitting there and talk nothing special. Besides, there is a stranger invited coming over to have the lunch with us. It is quite peculiar that my adviser would invite him as a special guest, well, for me, especially. But I don't know why, I just feel nervous, anxious and panic all day long. Maybe I should think about the bright side and stop immersing myself in negation of feeling sluggish and distraught for myself. And maybe, to be comic at times during the meal, like typical English men mostly. I may mock at myself and feel comfortable with that. Yes, why not give it a try? Every time I meet my adviser, I would pretend to be quite easy and calm; still, the fear inside me pounds every time like one holding a hammer and then chopping my chest with my inmost part. I walk in the fringe of its blunt blade and sweat heavily, perilously in which I stand, while I remain composed through opening my mouth, replying, "oh, ok, I see." That's ridiculous and that actually brings my mind in mischief. This happens when I attempt to speak something well-rounded and make everything in balance at very the moment! Right, truly me, for no certainty at all, you said. Such tension and stress during the time of writing the paper and confronting with the professors twitch me from time to time. I try my best to balance the mood and mentality continuously so that I can move on by making little progress step by step. Hopefully I will not repeat the failure of the previous cases in the long run. Just keep my finger crossed and wish I really can have gone through all of these difficulties and heaviness strengthen on me in gradual increase. And I can feel it, I feel, that the anxiety has been awake, secretly as forming its shape varied in continuous becoming, beginning to tantalize me again via its every way, like a beast howling in pang, still remains unknown for its infirmity.