A Depressed One

The sense of anxiety never fades when I become happy. One achieves something and then begins to worry about the next thing that has not done yet. Anxiety loves to tickle me, and I believe I am not the only one, especially in the aspect of society. Thinking about the age, the social experiences and the future, one's lifetime is such a blink as one keeps dealing with trouble made by others or self. Busy or not, the question that always flickers in my mind is the place where I can go. Still have no clue though. To have a high-paying job, to get married and to have a child...etc. Are these really the ultimate goals in my life? Having these can be happier than having none. However, it's like one turns out a sinner if he or she does not get married and furthermore has a family. It's also like one becomes wrong if having a sense of confusion along the way, not to mention one's anxiety. Society is hardly the one to be blamed, for it only pushes people to go forward by entering into a certain mode. When people are little, it is quite easy to feel happy. As the time goes by, most people may find that to be happy is uneasy. ─ "Perhaps I ought not to be such a pessimist, or I would no longer be happy." ─ Most of the time I persuade myself into this quote. If I don't do this, others will. A depressed person, as I always am and will be, is still alive. The question nonetheless might be: why should I have to deny it and try to get my act together to be a happy person? It's weird. Something interesting may not be the problem that I am the depressed one for causing the feeling of anxiety. The problem instead lies in the struggle of strenuously turning the depressed character into the happy one. In other words, one feels uncomfortable to be oneself as being happy. Trying to be happy or anything positive, as if one should open up one's mind, can be much more harsh than being depressed. Finally I realize, anxiety never fades as one tries to become others whom one does not truly fit. And I must have got old these years... My passion, my young heart, are you still there?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Notes on W. S. Merwin's "Tergvinder's Stone"

Image
Take one of your favorite stories from our course text , Sudden Fiction Continued , and comment on its characterization, narrative techniques, or other psychological or circumstantial aspects that make your selected story an evocative one.   60% Tergvinder's Stone   by W. S. Merwin   In W. S. Merwin's "Tergvinder’s Stone," a man called Tergvinder carries a plain-looking stone from the bottom of his drive. He does not explain much about the stone to anyone. Troubled by the insomnia, Tergvinder thinks that his problem in life can never be solved if discovering that he was still alive. However, Tergvinder does not face the problem rightly in reality. Although people around him take the stone of no use, Tergvinder regards it as his spiritual comfort for he seems to find the fellow-feeling from the stone in some certain attitude. The protagonist, Tergvinder, perhaps he does not know the illness has been invading him step by step. Here the illness does not w
Read more

Ronan Keating, Who Touches My Heart Feeling

Image
Guess what? I begin to listen to the songs of Ronan Keating again. One night evening it was quiet, and the indistinct melody occurred in my mind. However I wasn't sure I had heard it before, so I kept trying my best to figure out what the song it was. And I was pretty eager for I wanted to listen to this kind of melody right now. Finally, Ronan's face occurred in my mind and one of his songs also followed his image. Yes, it is the song called "If Tomorrow Never Comes," which is quite an old song since I was about 12 or 13 years old, listening to his song everyday and could not control myself to stop while I was taking a bath, doing my assignment and even snatched a bit free moment in studying.  Ronan Keating, this handsome and humble guy has been rooted in my heart in a long period of time. Can you believe it? It has been almost ten years for I am still a fan of Ronan Keating. So when it comes to his songs again, physically, I got a goose bumps all over m
Read more

A Hidden Element: British Rock 'n' Roll

Image
Now I am getting better to deal with my messy things. As I trun back to listen my favorite British rock songs, I feel totally alive at the moment. It's quite hard to explain that Brit-rock music can heal my gloomy mentality and can even kick those messy things off out of my sight temporarily. Recently I've found some very excellent Brtish rock bands, and their performances are immensely extraordinary! Maybe that is how I begin to bend on them and their music. Furthermore, when I suffer from my queer habits(one of my personality which I call for myself), I get a quite strong feeling to grasp the meaning of lyrics from songs and listen to their music deep in thought. I know this kind of behaviour is pretty weird, yet I feel full of vigour and enthusiasm in exploring Brit-rock music. Most people think rock music is pretty noisy and defines it as a decadent music. But I don't think so. Actually, there are more rock music bands expressing themselves to satirize social injusti
Read more

Why Does My Heart Want to Confuse?

100/2/21 I've made a decision to advance to a higher school.  Why should this happen? Perhaps I ought to ask myself.  Having a crash on Literature is absolutely not my fault!  Moreover, to do research for my favorite western writers and poets makes me thrill and even to be honored.  However, it is a harsh day for me after I've got my friend's opinion for entering a graduate school.   My friend said that if she was the host, she would hire one who was full of working experiences rather than a "mere" scholar who was inexperienced in working.  In addtion, she tried to prove that working person should deserve what he or she did because they owns the experiences in working more than the other.  In her opinion, it is wise for people to get a job and earn a living on their own.  Perhaps she considers studying is wasting one's time since there are a good many years for us to study in our lifetime.  Therefore, it is time to get involve in society and know more the inf
Read more

Take a look at learning attitude through Emerson's idea

Image
100/3/11 I've been thinking about today's lecture in American Literature. We were talking about American literary author, Ralph Waldo Emerson. And we read one of his works called "The American Scholar." In this essay, Emerson put more emphasis on independent thinking, which meant people should think differently on their own and avoid following others. Moreover, he stated that people's abilities were distributed by the whole soceity, which could not be unified as a complete man. Upon learning Emerson's viewpoint, I began to think about it. But it was weird that my family and friends barely mentioned such an important thinking, and I had never thought of this before. Ralph Waldo Emerson in his study in October 1879. Hence I wonder whether it is our culture affected by the way we think. You know that this society is full of richness and diversity. However, our education somehow is stuck in focusing on study only. If we spent less time on study, we sho
Read more