The Great Ache

Recently I just get lost and don't have any clue for where I can head for. My thinking tends to be more simple than before, I confess. Every time I feel I almost burst out crying, and thinking perhaps I am no longer the clever person in others' sight. However, the truth is that, this is my destiny, my only plan that perhaps God made me for who I am. And I can't help questioning all these inferiority drawn from me. This is unfair since I would like to do my own way of behavior and thinking. But why there is always lots of difficulties? I don't even know. What do you want me to do? I can even conceive a distinct theme on my topic of graduate thesis, ok, this one seems to far to discuss right now. But I can hardly confront the class which I have been taken at the moment. No matter how hard I try, it seems there are no such gleams of light shine at me. I perceive an enormous hole deepened without the bottom at the end of exploration at all but the eddying circling round and round, which I am sucked by this vicious eddy, into an unknown universe by far. Everything around me becomes obscure and foggy, it seems I can barely search for your shadow, but you remain in stillness at the bottom of my pure heart. As I attempt to struggle to free myself in such chaos, only do your image stand firmly in my hear can save me from this wicked hardship. My heart is aching, for no reason, a great burden stresses upon me immediately without any doubt. Ache, this word, not only bears the meaning of pain but yields the pain in continuity, in an unknown limit for yielding this sort of great continuous soreness. If you could feel me and say you might truly know how I feel, that would help me a lot!

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