The Terrible Assumption

I know there is a mistreatment over there, perhaps I can just do it my own way because I only learn Derrida's idea and no more relationship among teachers. That is the most simple thing for a student, isn't it? Perhaps I have asked for more of that. First of all, I should get rid of the thought of being in love with certain assumed relationship by me. This is a very terrible assumption for my symptom. Assuming that others will fall into the certain relationship with me, I unconsciously plunge into the eddy unexpected without taking any further thought. The dangerous connection, the hidden mental state and the spark igniting are those horrible testimonies by heart. Oh, god, how can I escape from all these crisis? I don't even know. With such terrible assumption, there is no longer a disguised way of talk or behavior for an individual in appearance but the struggle circling to and fro, getting no where to make a halt. Assuming that I can stop function this weird struggle but it still is spinning, just like someone incidentally drops into the sea, following the circling of the eddy, praying with struggle outward along the wave of its eddy. Aside from this terrible assumption will be untouchable question of being cold and insincere. God, you want me to pretend like that kind of person? I can be that one, yet this terrible assumption may lead me to a deadlock in me. Asking me if I own this terrible assumption, I consider it might have something to do with the rebirth of a barren mental side.