The Unknown Spontaneity

To talk like this, or to talk like that, one should always behave like that. Everything lies in the spontaneity. The struggle lessens while he decides to chat with her immediately. The abrupt interruption but decent way of talk, which he always has these abilities to control, makes him satisfy the relationship with others. Perhaps easy as always, and she can never understand his abruptness for a moment; however, it ignites her to talk for no reason. Somehow amazed as he feels even though he has the settled one with him over half a year. He considers that, perhaps he is waiting something, something can start over to excite him with new ground. It is an old-fashion way of talk but sparks both of them a bit in the same field. He thinks he can do that, with eagerness in a 20 cm distance with this girl. And they discuss the material with both enthusiasm and eagerness. What a fascinating moment to talk with her based on the material, he thinks, in his room, where he forgets his current girlfriend almost! If this could be the chance to talk to the girl in class again, it would be the best way to stay in the classroom within 20 cm distance, he secretly imagines. He believes the power he creates and the enjoyable moment he indulges in. Is it too fancy to imagine like this, for a boy? He somewhat judges himself but with no other reason. Sometimes he knows deeply the guilt he feels, which can hardly be reconciled with his wish and his expectation. Subsequently, he chuckles, in a way of distorted smile, not sure for his small satisfaction or his sudden realization and doesn't know why he keeps his eagerness in reading this boring material in a great interest. Perhaps it is what he makes it interesting because he will relate to her, no other reason, just relate to her. The material is boring, for anyone, and for sure, including him. Perhaps for the discussion itself, what can be discussed, he thinks; or what can be a stimuli igniting other to get involved in, he keeps asking himself with deeper consciousness. And the atmosphere can be created in spontaneous way, then he suddenly realizes this point! However, he seems not to be sure about his thinking. He fears, sometimes he fears, while figuring out something that seems to be right for him but weird to the public. A coward might be better for not disturbing others unless there will appear massive monsters which show him invisibly, he always concludes with this shrink.

Nonetheless, what can be alive, as a normal person in what kind of circumstance one stays? He perhaps has no answer with that. With what rule, should I obey, the most deepest secret hidden in his mind, and no way to tell anyone? How does he read this material with this power of comprehensibility beyond his expectation? The unknown, that's when he talks to her with the material and will finally realize the excitement he has and interact with no other person but the 20 cm distance with her, which he finds out. And Perhaps it could be found no other places as far as he concerned. With no one examines the ideas, perhaps that's the moment for him to keep exploring them in his life, and also, the girl who sits by him in the classroom within 20 cm, secretly.